Chapter 26

They decided to go to breakfast for lack of any better ideas. It was sort of late and turned into brunch almost disastrously. They found a place to park outside the usual roadside cafe, and found a table together that was questionably clean. They ordered coffee and an abundance of starch and meats, then ate in reasonable silence when the food arrived. Desiree swallowed and enormous mouthful and tried to think of what else they ought to be doing with their final hours together. She wondered if she should feel this uncomfortable around him. She felt so anxious, her stomach knotted with the worry that something would go terribly wrong. In a way, it was largely unfair to Burke.

On the flip side, he seemed oblivious to her discomfort. She couldn’t decide if that was a good thing or not. She watched him eat and smile at her between forkfuls. She smiled back and ate her own way through a stack of flavorless pancakes.

After their last sips of coffee had disappeared, Burke paid the cashier and the two of them stepped out onto the sunny sidewalk.

“Now what do you want to do?” he asked, squinting up at the sky.

“Um... I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s your vacation; what do you want to do?”

“Well... we could walk around town,” he suggested.

“Sure,” she said, relieved that she didn’t have to think of it herself. They turned the corner and ambled down the gray sidewalk toward the shop district. Burke’s fingers stretched out for hers, and Desiree felt an electric thrill go through her when they linked hands. She smiled a genuine smile and turned her own face up to the sun.

He pulled her a little closer as they walked, lifting her fingers to his lips for a quick kiss. He stopped to look in the windows of every other shop on the strip, and Desiree happily followed his example. They were able to pass the morning companionably and find a cute little Vietnamese restaurant for lunch.

Over noodles, Burke told her, “I’m glad I came up here.”

“Me, too,” she answered warmly. She smiled and dipped her chopsticks into her bowl. She looked up to find him watching her.

“How would you feel about me coming to see you again some time?” he asked.

“I’d love it!” she said honestly, beaming at him across the tiny table.

“Good,” he said. “Me, too.”

They ate quietly for a few minutes, then she hesitantly asked, “When do you think that would be?”

“I don’t know,” he grimaced apologetically. “We’re understaffed, so... it’s hard to persuade the boss to let us use our leave hours.”

“Bummer,” she sighed.

“Mm,” he agreed through a mouthful. He chewed and swallowed, then said, “It’s just as well.”

“How do you mean?”

“I don’t think your brother would be too keen to see me again.”

“You mean my cousin.”

“Right.” Now it was Burke’s turn to sigh. “Don’t you ever get tired of this? All this lying and deception?”

“Yes,” she confessed, “but what choice do I have?”

She toyed with the food in her bowl, then pushed it away.

“You always have choices,” he said softly, “if you examine all your options.”

She blew a stray strand of brunette hair off her forehead and said, “I did the best I could.”

“I know,” he said, setting his chopsticks down so that he could take her hand across the table. “I just... want this.”

She smiled at him tenderly and whispered, “Me, too.”

He squeezed her hand a moment before letting her go. “Well, I guess I’d better go pack up my truck.”

“Yeah,” she said, wishing she could think of something else to say.

“Yeah.”

The smiles they exchanged were growing melancholic, and soon would be nothing to Desiree but a bittersweet memory. She wished she could turn back the clock and undo the last year of her life, the horrible, fateful mistakes that had set her on this path. It was an impossibility, of course. She was living with the consequence of every choice she’d ever made.

That was the great and terrible thing about free will. All the freedom to fuck up your life in incredible ways, and no one to blame but yourself. With a heavy sigh she followed Burke from the restaurant. At least it wasn’t too late to start over; she had that on her side, and she intended to use it.